I have a story.
I've thought about writing this for awhile, but never seem to be able to find the time to really sit down and type it all out.. I referenced the story recently to some friends and finally decided it was time to get it written down in a blog post!! So here goes..
A few months ago, a sweet girl that I know posted about how much she gets accomplished while her kids are at school. Meal planning, organizing, bible study, shopping, coffee dates, time to just sit and read a book.. As I read through it, I couldn't stop the waaaahhh feeling from coming over me. I was jealous!! She was so put together. Organized. Perfect and coordinated and full of energy.
I sat there in my yoga pants, my mom bun, and my cold, barely touched, cup of coffee and just thought, "I'm doing this all wrong. My kids would be so much better off leaving me and going away to school. I would be so much more organized!! Our house would be so much cleaner!! I could grocery shop and do bible study and actually fix my hair everyday without having to break up fights or clean spills or even make lunch!"
I actually sat in this mopey stage for awhile. Sure, I knew the Lord had called me to homeschool and of course, I loved my babies. But the idea of getting some 'me' time every single day.. well, it just sounded so good. And I mean, wouldn't that be what's best for my kids?? Surely, I would be a more patient, more calm, and kinder mom.. one whose kids didn't see her get overwhelmed or cry from all the demands of stay-at-home life or blow her top when the dinner's smoking, the tub's overflowing, and the baby just pooped on the floor. (True story.)
And as I thought about these things, I felt my heart stir.. and the Lord took my blinders off. He cleared the cobwebs and dissipated my doubts when He quietly whispered to my heart, "This homeschool life?? It's what I have for you. It's what I've called you to do. Trust Me and I will lead you." And I realized that while I might be a more organized and put together momma by sending my kids to school everyday, I would be miserable. I would be absent. It's not what the Lord has for me.
Not only would I miss the sweet and precious moments of the day, I would miss out on the hard and tough ones, too. I would miss getting to apologize to my children for my outbursts of frustration. I would miss the opportunity for my kids to see me stressed and crying.. and calling out to Jesus for help. All of these moments, the good and the ugly, they bind us together. Deeply and strongly and better than I could have ever imagined.
As always, God is so gracious and sends encouragement exactly when you need it the most. My mom came over the following day and began telling me how proud she was of her children and the fruit she sees in our lives. She said this reward, the fruit of seeing her children walk in the ways of the Lord - it didn't happen in a day, but over time. It's a daily work that brings about the harvest. It is layers upon layers of insignificant moments, important moments, teachable moments that create the true and strong relationship we desire with our children. And by God's grace, it helps to build true and strong relationships between our children and the Lord as well.
It's a daily and hard work, this homeschool life of mine. One not usually characterized by much 'me' time, but one that says, "Come sit on my lap and let me read to you awhile." "Would you like to help Mommy make lunch??" "Who would like to pray over our day??" "Is everyone ready for our family walk??"
((And also a few, "Get off of Samuel!" "Who drew on the wall?!" "Can someone please move the laundry off of the couch and onto my bed so the UPS man doesn't see?!"))
I know this is a lot, but it's a lesson I want to remember. Of course, I treasure this precious momma who posted and am thankful for her uninterrupted bible study time. (Kind of, ha!!) But for me.. Interrupt me a thousand times, my loves. Let me hug you and kiss on you. Sit with me and let me share with you what the Lord is teaching me..
All the livelong day.